We get quite a few questions. Here is a selection of the most common ones.
About our lovely time share arrangement
How did you find out you were more than one?
Well, hindsight being the lovely clear thing it is, the signs were always there. A feeling of waking up when we’d physically been awake for hours. A half-remembered conversation with someone else. Knowing that “I” was someone else that day but not fully grasping what that meant. Then around 1996 we started sorting it out; a combination of meditation and introspective work helped us open our minds and start real conversations with each other.
So how exactly did this happen?
From our perspective, it seems like our body happened to come with more than one soul attached. Our favourite analogy is the car: Most people have one car (body) with one driver. We happen to carpool.
So is this like channeling?
We definitely see ourselves as individual spirits who happen to share a body. It probably does have some resemblance to channeling or mediumship if you want to see it that way, and for a while we did use those terms, but we ultimately moved away from them because of the connotations of being here to spread a message or bring through messages from deceased relatives (neither of which we are here to do and the latter we couldn’t do if you gave us a fully fitted Victorian parlor with table ready to rap!)
But … this is so weird. I just don’t think it’s possible!
That’s ok. The world is a big place and if this isn’t something that interests you, just move on. It’s a little unusual, sure, but we’re ok with that. People in our lives generally find it pretty easy to get used to after the initial surprise; you’re welcome to stick around and see if that holds true for you, too.
But how can you know you’re real?
We always find this question interesting. And, truly without sarcasm or making light of it – how do you know you’re real? It’s just a sense, right? You have a sense of who you are: What you like, what you don’t, how you like your tea, that you not-so-secretly love to pop bubble wrap, and that a good pun can make you laugh till you ache. But we bet you don’t walk around thinking “I’m me because I exist in one body!”. You’re you because you’re you. It’s just like that for each person here. I (Tristan) am me because I’m me. Ashe is Ashe because he’s Ashe. The same consistent, conscious person that you are, just not the sole owner of the car we drive.
About life and other animals
Why are you so open? Aren’t you scared?
Fucking terrified some days, but you know what? Life is awfully short and if you’re going to spend it not being yourself (or in our case yourselves) just in case someone doesn’t like it or doesn’t accept you? You’re going to waste a beautiful opportunity. Not to mention that it’s really hard to form authentic friendships and relationships if you keep yourself behind a mask 24/7.
How do people normally react?
Honestly, people are usually more relieved than anything! Most people tell us they’d noticed differences in our behaviour and attitude and got really confused, even wondering if we were mad at them or joking that we were a different person that day. When we explain there’s usually a sense of “ah, now I get you!”. Once people find out, they usually find us much easier to relate to, because they understand that instead of one terribly inconsistent friend, they have a bunch of very consistent friends.
What does your partner think of all this?
She knew what she was getting into! We told her really early on, when we were still just friends. She tells us that life is never dull, and it’s good to know that whatever film she fancies watching or dinner she fancies eating, there’s a good chance someone here will be all over that.
About this blog
Why do you switch between I and we in posts? Can you not get your grammar straight?
Not get our grammar straight? Ask us our opinion on the Oxford comma sometime, and settle in for a rant! Seriously though: The “I” in each post is the author, whose opinion you’re reading. If they happen to mention shared opinions or experiences (as we’re doing right now!), they might slip into using the “royal we”, but the post itself will usually be written from one single perspective. We definitely don’t agree on everything!
Why do you swear so much?
Some of us tend towards colourful language, and we’re ok with that. We don’t swear to excess in our writing, but yeah, you’ll find the occasional f-bomb or other colourful word. We realise it will offend some people but we can’t please all of the people all of the time, and we can live with that
Why do you all sound the same?
Another interesting question! There are often subtle differences, but if you read through an email exchange between yourself and another person, nine times out of ten you wouldn’t be using the English language that differently. Also, we tend to edit our writing as a group, which has an influence, and we’ve spent most of our lives pretending to be one person so adopting a “group style” has become second nature to us.
Why do you all have such weird names?
Why not? Most people here arrived with names so in that sense it’s not unlike growing up with the name your parents gave you, or better or worse. We’re fine with that – we like unusual. And it could be worse.
Why didn’t you answer my message / publish my comment?
It’s possible that we simply didn’t get a chance – as well as blogging, we have a job and a house to keep in order! Or perhaps your question was a bit on the personal side – we’re fairly open but we’re not going to answer anything and everything. Maybe you were rude or made assumptions about us, in which case you didn’t give us any reason to spend time and energy answering. Or perhaps your message got lost in the spam folder, for which we apologise. Sometimes we forget to feed it and it eats the nearest words.
You’re a bit spiky sometimes, aren’t you?
We’d like to think that we treat people as we would want to be treated ourselves, and we value kindness and respect. But we don’t owe people an explanation, and we believe having good boundaries about how you allow people to treat you is a vital part of living a happier life. So yeah, if someone comes at us with rudeness, entitlement or assumptions, they’re going to get short shrift, but if you’re decent to us you’ll find a warm welcome.